I’ll get away from the doom and gloom questions, but these are just a few examples of having change thrust upon you, oftentimes when you feel it is the most inopportune time.  None of these experiences would be easy, but there are a few tips which may help you navigate these situations.

First, be certain that the facts are clear and that they are coming from an informed source.  Rumors can be frightening, and they are often inaccurate, thereby creating needless worry.  Now, if you have a pink slip notifying you of your pending unemployment, you probably have a clear fact.  Be certain to talk with someone who knows the picture and can help you understand, even if you do not agree with, the decision.  I can remember a situation like this in my life, and I was in denial until I had the truth about my job closing from the source, much to my chagrin.

Second, ask the questions you feel that you need have answered.  You may not get answers that will please you or even help you understand, but if you do not ask at this time, you may always wonder if there was something else you could have done.

Third, look at any options that may be open to you.  If it a job situation and you feel it is unfair, is there a resource you can seek out to find out whether you can challenge an unjust decision?  Does the change situation have a built-in support system to assist you?  Some companies may offer the option of participating in a re-training or outplacement program.  In the case of a home being sold, how much time can you negotiate to remain in this location? In the case of a layoff or transfer, what other sources of income are available to you?  Have there been other employment options you have considered before?

Fourth, do not be afraid to question or negotiate.  If your job is closed anyway, what would you lose?  In my job loss situation, I questioned and challenged every level to the top before I accepted the decision. I would not necessarily recommend this behavior, as it did not get me very far, but I can to this day look at myself in the mirror and say, “I fought the good fight and even though I did not succeed in my challenge, I will always be able to say I did everything that I could.” Nothing is worse than looking back and wishing you had done one more thing…

Fifth, when you realize you have done all you can, let it go.  Despite the fact that my stubborn nature made me continue my challenge, I finally did release my hurt and anger.  I learned to forgive and accept what happened with grace, and I was able to also release my story of being “unfairly treated.”  In retrospect I realize that that move was the best thing that could have happened or to this day I would be stuck (there’s that word again) in a thankless job within a hopeless bureaucracy.

There are a number of things I learned from some of my experiences with change without choice.  One thing is that there are no coincidences.  Everything that happens is in our best interest.  The reason we cannot see that is because we are not privileged to see the total picture that may extend even beyond our lifetime.  My son has a friend who said of this situation, “Everything always turns out all right in the end, so if it’s not all right, it’s not the end. “  Sometimes changes have to be forced to make way for something a lot better.  And sometimes we just need to learn to be flexible.

Life is a school, and if we don’t learn the lesson at first, we are given a harder lesson.  Unfortunately I have been one that has often resisted and has had to have the infamous two-by-four applied to my head to wake me up.  I am “getting it” sooner now.  Those lessons can be painful.

I will finish with one more personal example.  I recently was planning to purchase a new car.  I had a wonderful, dependable SUV, but it was probably reaching 200,000 miles.  I say “probably” because the odometer had stopped working.  The tachometer liked to click and spin around uncontrollably, and the speedometer registered often ten miles over or under the actual speed.  Despite the glitches which I told my friends was my own personal “sound and light show” since all the warning lights also blinked, it was a sound car. But it was definitely time for a change.  After much reading and searching online, I finally found the car I wanted.  I checked it out with my husband, as he is tall and won’t fit into just any car.  And…this time I wanted a sporty model.  I was so excited when I found out that my SUV would qualify for the “cash for clunkers” program.  The day before I was to go in to complete the deal and pick up my new car, I was in an accident.  Someone turned right in front of me, and I hit her broadside.  I was devastated, but not badly hurt nor was she, but both cars were totaled.  There went my “clunker” down payment. The next day I went in and had scavenged some money for a down payment, even though it made my financing less manageable.

My first inclination would be to assume the “woe is me” position, but I remembered that the story might not be over yet.  And it was not.  Thanks to a wonderful insurance company from the other driver, I received more money than my “clunker cash” would have paid, as the car was worth more than that having been totaled!  I was so glad that I hung in and waited before going into a panic mode.  All is well now, and I love my new car.  I received a wonderful reminder going into this ordeal from a quote on a calendar produced by www.tut.com, “Whenever knocked off course, darling, it’s often wise to pause and ascertain whether or not you’ve really been dealt a setback, or if it was in fact a little nudge from our Journey Assistance Program, designed to subtly prepare you for something even better.  Because I’m sure you’ll see, it was the latter.”  Signed, The Universe…And something even more perfect, there was a picture of a red car and guess what color my new car is?  You guessed it!!!

I welcome your feedback and comments, as well as your questions.  Stay tuned for next week’s change blog.  Until then, have a wonderful week…be flexible…and remember, that if it’s not all right, it’s not the end!

Hugs and Blessings,

Marilyn

The answer is yes, every change involves a loss of some type.  Sometimes the loss is viewed as positive, as in getting a new car.  Nevertheless, when something new takes the place of something, you are relinquishing a part of your past.  Maybe you have been without a car note for a few years, and maybe your insurance rates were lower.  This involves a tradeoff when you make this decision.

The reason people make changes purposefully is because one will be gaining more with the new situation than one has given up from the old one.  You bought a new car since, despite the new car payment and increased insurance, you feel safer, your gas mileage will be better, and it makes you feel good!  You then made the choice that it was worth the loss.

Sometimes, as discussed in the article about “STUCKNESS”, you can get stuck on the fence between choices.  Fear of the unknown can take over and paralyze you from moving ahead.  The familiar may be more comfortable than the mystery of the new.  Can I make the payments, why do I need this new car, should I wait a few more months?  Maybe they will be cheaper or maybe I’ll get a raise.  What if I get laid off from my job?  Those thoughts are often enough to stop you in your tracks!

Let’s look at another choice to make a change.  You have decided that you are going to lose weight.  This time you will stick with a new food plan and exercise program.  This time you will get into those size 6 jeans!  First you prepare yourself and gather the information you need.  Will you join a weight loss group, or will you do it on your own?  What kind of change will you need to make in your eating habits, and what kind of exercise would work best for you?  In going forward with this decision, even though it is probably the very best thing for you to do, you will still have to give up some things.  There are the obvious losses like fattening foods you may love or time on the couch that must be transferred to time on the track, but there are often subconscious losses that can become the death knell to many weight loss plans.  You may say, what on earth would make me want to remain overweight?  Perhaps a new figure will change your social life…it may require you to interact with others differently.  There may be safety in that weight that relieves you of the pressure of developing close relationships.  And what about the pressure to maintain the loss?  I look and feel better now, but can I stay that way?  Can I afford a new wardrobe?  These are just a small sample of the thoughts which may enter your mind about the losses you could experience.

If, however, we spend our lives in “analysis paralysis” over every decided choice, we will remain stuck where we are.  Sometimes all it takes is a few baby steps to begin.  Just put your toes in the water before you dive in.  Or if you are the type of person that has to go “full throttle”, then go ahead and jump in!  Take a risk, make a change, stretch yourself!

What we have discussed today has been about making choices to create changes in your life.  Next time we will be talking about the losses we experience when the choices are made for us…yikes!  Talk about loss of control!

Your comments and questions are welcome.  I will be posting weekly now, and the new posts should be online each Monday.  Hope you visit again soon! Have a great week and remember to stretch yourself!

One book that I read years ago and conducted group sessions about was written by a very talented Texas author, Elizabeth Harper Neeld.  The name of the book was Seven Choices, and its premise was that when changes are either made by your choice or by circumstances around you,  that you can easily get “stuck” in any one of the steps toward a healthy place… and become paralyzed to make the move ahead. There are, therefore, certain choices or decisions you must make in order to keep from being stuck in one place.  It is a good reference, especially if you are going through a loss.

Most people do not realize that any change that is made requires some element of loss, even those so-called “good” changes.   Sometimes it is difficult to let go of the positives that seem to be connected with the way things would be if you did not make the change.   Now, you might say, why would I want to remain in a place of misery, knowing I needed to move ahead?  The answer is that there are some positives involved even in the most negative situations, and unless the negatives can outweigh the positives in YOUR OWN mind, it will be impossible (or nearly so) to move on.  There also is an element of security in what you already understand and with which you have become familiar.  Hence, it is easy to be so fearful of the unknown that you cannot let go of the status quo.  I just emphasized positives in YOUR OWN mind, and this is where you and your friends may differ.  They are viewing your situation from a different vantage point, and can only give you their opinion.

When you are in a place of “stuckness,” it is hard to listen to what others may think is very logical.  When my clients or I experienced these situations, reading self-help books about others with similar challenges was sometimes comforting.  It is encouraging to find that we are not alone in our predicament.  Support groups or individual counseling in some circumstances can be of help.  A neutral party is often very helpful.  They, unlike your friends, are not as emotionally connected and invested in your life.

I am hoping that this blog will offer individuals a place to share some of the issues they face and that perhaps they will be able to decide for themselves with some neutral  and detached discussion.  After all, we have all the answers we need inside.  Sometimes all they need is a little encouragement to appear very clearly before us.

I look forward to receiving your comments and suggestions for making this blog a good place to go for sharing and solutions.  Until next time, your Positive Change Catalyst is signing off.

Blessings and hugs,

Marilyn

• Individuals
• Small Groups or Teams
• Couples
• Parents
• Teens
• Businesses

• Schools
• Religious Organizations
• Social/Networking Groups
• Classes
• Conferences

Hence, the title, “Positive Change Catalyst,” as my life’s work has been devoted to helping people take charge of their lives and create change that feels good.  It is true that if you do not have a plan, someone else will make one for you.  My clients seem to prefer to do it themselves and to create life changes that make success and happiness a reality.  It is my job to be a catalyst, or facilitator, so they can accomplish these goals.